Dear D.L.

You are a bitch. You will always be a bitch. Below is an alphabatized list explaining why.

Arrested

You have been arrested. Therefore, you weren't smart enough to get away with your crime. This makes you a bitch.

Bruise

That uncomfortable sensation upside your head is called a bruise. You have a bruise because I had to smack a bitch.

Cigarettes

A man's brand of cigarette says much about that man's character. You smoke weak ass cigarettes that are intended for children living in Indonesia. This means you're still a bitch.

David

David was an old king of Judea who on his death bed said that this land will always belong to my people. Above his grave now sits a giant mosque. Sounds like he failed. You are named after a bitch.

Entomology

The study of insects. You were crushed like an insect. You floated like a butterfly and ran like a roach. Bitch.

Fortitude

Something you lack on account of being a bitch.

Glasses

You need glasses to read this bitch.

Hippie

You're a fucking hippie. That's worse than just being a bitch.

Iraq

At last night's brawl you did a great job pretending to be Iraq, while I was USA. Your cities now lie in ruin while I'm here singing bombs over baghdad, bitch.

Juggalo

You probably like ICP. That's worse than being a hippie and a bitch.

Kanye West

Thinks you're a bitch.

Laxative

Has the same effect on people as the diarrhea spewing from your bitch mouth.

Mosquitos

They leave larger welts on me than your wee bitch fists.

No

You can keep shaking your head saying, “No, no, no”, all you want. But I know that in this case no does mean yes, you are a bitch.

Ostrich

Ostriches are known for burying their bitch bird heads in the sand when threatened. Sounds familiar to you don't it?

Piglet

The timid character from Winnie the Pooh is your bitch idol.

Qwest

Your bitch fighting style is as slow and woeful as a Qwest net connection.

Risk

Something you should've played as a child so you could have had some knowledge of military strategy when attempting to box someone who isn't a bitch.

Semper Fi

You can yell like a marine. You can't fight like a marine, bitch.

Trinidad

Looking for this country on a map is like trying to find your fighting skills beneath all that bitch.

Underwhelming

On one hand, your fighting skills are underwhelming. On the other hand, they're quite impressive because I had no idea it was possible to be that much of a bitch.

Vagisil

The product you use for your itchy bitch vagina.

Whining

That's the word that best describes your speaking technique. In a way it's comparable to Breakfast the Cat. Of course the cat has some excuses. 1. It's pregnant. 2. It's a cat. 3. It can smell a bitch.

Xenomi

An order of soft-rayed freshwater fish found in Alaska. They truly get murdered by bears. If you were in Alaska, your bitch ass would also be murdered by bears.

Yogurt

Hey bitch, you got some of your blood on your yogurt shop shirt.

Zygote

The earliest developmental stage of the embryo. How did it feel to get aborted by my fists, bitch?